A Day In The Life of a Stay-At-Home Mom: Outside Voice vs Inside Voice

Photo by Michele Mateus Photography

Usually by about Thursday night I start to fantasize about how relaxing Saturday morning is going to be. I imagine my husband and I sitting on the couch in our PJ’s drinking coffee and relating to one another about the busy week we just had, while the big kids play together, and we take turns amusing the toddler. Then maybe an early brunch followed by more talking and playing. You know, before the real weekend activities begin, soccer, errands, extended family, church, etc.

Then Saturday finally comes. By about 8:30am I usually start to look forward to Monday.  

Today I’ve linked up with some other fabulous bloggers to write posts of 'A Day In the Life'. Read to the end of this post (I know you would anyway!) and you will see a link to all of their posts too. What's better than being invited to eavesdrop on the daily life of strangers or people you sorta know on-line? Absolutely nothing. Enjoy!

​I chose a random Saturday and set out to record what I said out loud vs what I was actually thinking in my head. Of course, being a Mom of three children (7, 5 and 1), I wasn’t able to record everything. More like 25%. This post could be more accurately be titled: TidBits of A Day Inside My Head. Or What I Was Actually Able to Record While Still Keeping My Kids Alive.

One more thing, I feel like this post perhaps need a bit of a disclaimer. My disposition, IRL (In Real Life), has been described as calm, easy-to-be-with and cheerful. I share this with you so you can imagine the happy outward personality while you are reading the inner sarcasm that goes on in my brain. Also, the swearing, I'm not one to swear all that much IRL, and I avoid it in my blog as much as possible. However, this post is my inside voice...and my inside voice swears...it's like the swearing and the sarcasm are my coping mechanisms...ya know? 

And so without further ado, I bring you...

A Day In The Life of A Stay-At-Home Mom: Outside Voice Vs Inside Voice

6:00 am "Whose turn to get the baby?"
(How can it be morning again? I will give anything to lie here for 5 more minutes and not get the baby. I’m pretty sure that whoever farts and snores all night should definitely be the one who gets the baby...no, that's not me!)

6:05 "Just get him and bring him in here."
(If we just get the child in here, there is a chance of me lying here in the semi dark for 10 more min. It will be cozy and cuddly)

6:10 "Ah, baby feet in my face. Fine. I’m up."
(WTF kid?!?! Can’t you just lie down like a normal human in the morning instead of drinking from our old water glasses and trying to eat the pills on the side table. Like really, no one likes a perky morning person. You will have no life partner. You’re too annoying in the morning)

7:00 "Oh you have to go to work now? That’s sad, we’ll miss you."
(Just great, hubby has a work emergency, where he will no doubt drink cup after cup of hot coffee. Waaaaa. I so wanted to drink hot coffee today. Oh wait, panicking now...Do not get trapped at home in PJ's with 3 kids again like last weekend when the landlord stopped by at 12pm to your disheveled PJ look!)

"I really need to have a shower before you go. Yes, it’s necessary."  
(WTH? why is my hygiene always seen as optional? Why do I get the look like I’m so high maintenance? Ya, my 30 min extended weekend shower and dress and make up is just way too much to ask. You know, so I can at least feel like a normal person for an hour or two before the mom pony tail goes in and the shirt is covered in snot. I need to start with a fighting chance. For the love of God, give the lady a shower)

"Thanks Babe, I’ll be real quick."  
(Well, I'll shave off 5 min anyway, so it's down to 25 min, because hot water is amazing and so is the sound barrier that is running water.)

8:00 "Morning everyone!"
(omg that laundry pile is still here. I really should’ve folding it last night in front of the TV like I planned.)

8:15 "Bye Hun, I love you. Say bye to Daddy."
(Poor guy, he does not look impressed to be going to work. He works so hard for us. I will miss him today. I will only curse his name for leaving me here with the kids when absolutely necessary, the rest of the time I will try my best to feel sorry for him, that he has to work again. Even though ALL THE HOT COFFEE. But he does work hard and deserves some time off, poor guy).

8:30 "Oh sure, I can cut your toast in 4."
(WTF, yesterday it was in half…must be nice ordering me around…why am I catering to this?…I should berate myself for this flimsy parenting for the next 1/2 hour. But I’m too tired. And it really won’t change my actions, so nah, maybe another time when I have more energy. 4 pieces it is!)

9:00 start folding laundry (I should make coffee)
9:02 start folding laundry (I have a great blog post idea, Oprah show here I come, I’ll just jot down the title real quick)
9:04 start folding laundry (The kitchen table is filthy, I’ll give it a quick wipe)
9:06 start folding laundry (Holy hell, what’s that thing I’m supposed say to myself about laundry piles…”i’m grateful to have laundry to fold because it means I have clothes for my children.” Let me try that. Ok, whateves, not feeling it.)
9:08 start folding laundry "Just a minute." (What now?!?! Can’t you see I’m really hunkering down to fold the laundry?!?!)
9:10 start folding laundry (this is stupid, I’ll just do it tonight when I’m watching TV)
9:12 start writing the best blog post ever written "What are you yelling about? Don’t make me come in there and turn off the TV." (Shoot, why did I say that? Please don’t make me follow through and actually turn the TV off, then I’d be really screwed.)

11:30 "You're hungry?" 
(Holy hell I have to feed them again?! After that non stop stream of snacks since breakfast? I have nothing to make for lunch. Why? Why do they eat so often?)

11:45 "Ok, I’ll make some lunch. Please go play with your brother so I can make something. You are not going to die from hunger." 
(Actually I’m kinda hungry now. Wait, I’m starving! I might die from hunger. Did I even have breakfast? Besides the crusts of my kids toast? I will shove this left over half eaten fruit into my mouth now while I have the chance. God knows I won’t be able to eat lunch while feeding 3 wild children…who raised these beasts anyways? I should write about the shame that is my children's table manners. But who wants to read something so depressing. Ugh)

12:00 pm "Lunch is ready!" (Please just eat it, please just eat it, please just eat it)

12:30 "Time to get ready for soccer!"
(How hard is it to put on shorts, shirt and shin pads!?!? It’s the same thing every week. Every week!!!)

12:45 Put baby down for nap.

1:00 (Some sweet rare one-on-one time with my 5 year old while my daughter is at soccer and the baby sleeps. Looking forward to it.)

"What do you want to do? What do you mean nothing? I really want to hang out with you and play anything you like."
(Although…if you watched more TV, I could finish that blog post. After I check out Facebook, of course, that goes without saying. I mean I deserve a break. Look at all that laundry i folded…oh wait, whatever, I still deserve a break, husbands off “working” with his mountains of hot coffee)

"How about we play Connect Four? What? Make you a dinosaur costume?....ummmmmm" 
(How many times do I have to tell you. I don’t sew. I don’t make costumes. I don’t do imaginary play. Really, I draw the line at child led play. I’m just not that mother. The boredom. Please, not the mind numbing boredom of child play.)

"Do you want to watch TV? You can pick any show because your sister isn’t here?" (I’m the worst. I better not write that post and instead write about how I know all about attachment parenting and cherishing your kids but I don’t actually do it very well. But man, he is so cute when he’s watching TV. Well at least we are cuddling. And I do enjoy that. No pretending here. Cuddling on the couch with a child whose mind is completing absorbed in mindless TV is bliss. Now just a little Facebook time. Oh look, an article on feeling bad about cuddling kids who watch too much TV, I must read that one right now. Phewf, that was exhausting. I’m just going to shut my eyes for a quick semi conscious mom nap)

2:30 Everyone is home. "Alright, we should get out and enjoy our day together!"
(omg, you are not hungry! omg, you are not tired!, stop fighting, stop fighting, stop fighting.)

"Stop fighting!"

"I’m heading downstairs, whose coming to the park? It’s a beautiful day!" 

3:30 "Good job on the monkey bars! You are so strong!...Thank you for this rock. I love it. I'm going to keep it forever. No, I’m not going to chase you." 
(I’m finally drinking coffee, there’s a reason I birthed you siblings. Go play with them.)

"Chase your sister and brother."
(Oh it’s so much better outside. Everyone is so much happier. Why do I try to have a restful lazy Sat mornings like years gone by? It never works out. Really we should just get up at 6am and head out the door by 9am. Nothing is gained by trying to cling to the idea of rest and rejuvenation on Sat. Will I ever learn?)

3:45 (Look at my beautiful children. They are so precious. I really don’t think there are any children in the whole world as beautiful as mine. Husband is back now and we have the rest of the afternoon to enjoy together. I am so grateful for this moment. I love my life!) 

"Keep your hands to yourself please. No potty talk!"
(holy shit balls, what am I going to make for dinner?...I mean, I made dinner last night...so if they all think I’m making dinner again tonight they have another thing coming)

"What should we have for dinner hun?" (say order pizza, say order pizza, say order pizza)

"What, you had pizza at work again? I specifically asked you to stop doing that. Fine. Whatever. I’m just going to make something easy." (Like frozen pizza for the kids, you can find your own food, pizza-at-work-eating-traitor)

4:30 - 7:30pm Everyone who is a parent knows that these hours are full of whining, rage, starvation, bathing people who don’t want to be bathed and bribing children to sleep. So I didn’t actually have a chance to write anything down. But I’m thinking I could write a whole other blog post about 4:30 - 7:30. Or maybe a whole book. I will call it Holy Hell Is Time Going Backwards.

8:00 "Hey, Hun look, I made it on Todays Parents funniest facebook round up.  That’s cool, it’s the first time I posted anything there."

Husband: "grunt"

(Oh right, husband hates reading... and Facebook. So basically as a blogger on Facebook I lead an entire life in which my husband knows nothing about. A significant piece of myself that he doesn’t see or understand. I’ll have to decide later if this makes us a cool modern couple who balance each other out while preserving a fun sense of mystery or if we’re merely a fractured couple with too much distance headed for two single beds. I’ll save this little nugget to ponder at 4 am after I wake up to pee (again) and can’t fall back asleep.)

9:30 "I’m going to bed.  Goodnight, love you!"
​(All I need is a good night sleep. Sunday is where it’s at. Church and family lunch and errands and togetherness…what could go wrong? It’ll be amazing and I’ll be refreshed for the week! I'm sure of it.)

​Photos by Michele Mateus Photography

5 More A Day In The Life Of Posts for You

Now it’s time for some more Day in the Life Of posts from my Canadian blogging friends. Get ready for some wonderful inspiration on what these phenomenal women do every day:

Shawna: http://simpleonpurpose.ca/day-in-the-life-mom-of-three/
Codi Lynn: http://www.creativewifeandjoyfulworker.com
Tamara: http://www.discoveringparenthood.com/a-day-in-the-life/
Michelle: http://enterherecanada.com/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-stay-at-home-mom/
Holly: http://www.theinspiredhome.org/day-life-working-mom/